Sunday, August 20, 2006

mr hyde

Every so often I feel this little twinge of desperation, like all the things I'm doing will lead to nothing and I'll be left with dream shards that cut every time I try to move. It's like I have so much to learn and there's no time in the world and I just want to cry. I call those moments my Mr Hyde moments because if you catch me in a moment like that, with desperation and tears stacked up behind my eyes, I can snap with absolutely no provocation...


Ironically, the only thing that helps me push the feeling aside is remembering the really hard times I've lived through; the days with no food, the months sleeping on concrete, the 20-hour shifts to hold back debt... OK, it's not the ONLY thing that helps - crying hard does too but sometimes it's messy. Having said that, living alone like I do, it's often a quicker solution than dredging your memories for misery, but don't fall for the temptation of calling your mom or dad; they'll just cheer you up in that way that makes you cry even more - there's nothing as bad as someone trying to tell you you're precious and talented and a gift and clever and remarkable, when you feel like shit!

- SIGH -

OK, I let it go. I found a video that a friend of mine made when I was performing in Munich so I'm stealing it for you. (check out Ken Yamamoto if you speak German; he's a cool dude!)

Nii Parkes (London) Substanz 2006
click above to see it


i'm listening to patti labelle; she has a great voice for low times...

4 comments:

kallioppe said...

I think a duet between Patti and Bobby Womack is needed. Bobby is great to listen to - his voice is amazing and he complements Lady Marmalade and her crazy high octone ranges - Balances her out if you will...

I hope you find your Dr. Jekyll soon Nii. Don't let the struggle drive you too crazy.

frances said...

It's like I have so much to learn and there's no time in the world and I just want to cry.

I sure know that feeling. I get it a lot and try to console myself that if I didn't I'd be a dried up digestive biscuit with nothing to look at except some ranky old tablecloth.

Nii said...

In my best Joey Tribbiani voice 'you guys!'! I feel a lot better already :)

ken yamamoto said...

hi nii,
i know this feeling too. but i don't even have family that tells me what i do is good and that i'm precious (only my love does). i have no degree, no job, no good education, just poems. often i have no money to pay bills and debts and when i feel like shit, i always think of my friends in colombia who have almost nothing. my girl (colombiana) says if we get really really poor we should move to colobia. it's easier and better ro be poor there, than here. daily struggle in middle europe is pure depression. anyway. even if my life makes me cry from time to time i believe: a poem is worth more than a dollar. is must be. that no one tries to teach me something else!